Because no man is good enough for his mer_duff, of course. Did K and D really say those things verbatim? They're very funny.

My dad -- as I imagine many dads do -- tends to assess each male-type person I introduce him to, whether boyfriend or potential boyfriend or purely platonic friend. I'm amused by how his voice deepens when he talks to them, how he makes a big point of shaking their hands and asking about their Life Plans.