Arctic rambling
Jan. 6th, 2015 08:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bironic(Because it's finally winter outside, and because this post contains... well.)
I don't tend to make New Year's resolutions. When I do try to change a behavior, I don't wait for January. But I've been thinking about whether there's anything internal I'd like to work on this year, and one thing is to continue to learn how to be nice to myself, and another is to think more seriously about, & then be more proactive about, dating. Which is why I was re-reading some Captain Awkward posts this afternoon about dealing with feelings of unattractiveness while dating (example). Because while I have gained a lot of confidence in the last 10 to 15 years that my hobbies and tastes are OK, largely thanks to fandom, and while I'd like to think I have developed pretty good social skills despite being a natural introvert, I do have a lifelong deep-set conviction that I am not good-looking, not helped by some health-related body changes in recent years, and people say there is nothing like entering an urban dating pool full of strangers to undermine your self-confidence in any and all areas, including the above.
Anyway, that is all still academic at this point. What I wanted to say is that the posts include people's anecdotes about eventually finding well-matched partners due to being one's authentic -- in many of these cases, geeky -- self in online profiles and/or in person. A practice I fully subscribe to. And then this very evening on the bus ride home, a young woman in a nearby seat wearing a knit Pikachu hat leaned over and excused herself and asked what I was reading because every time she'd glanced over it looked more interesting. (It was Saga vol. 4.) We had a little conversation about it, she mentioned that the wait between issues wouldn't be a problem considering the wait she is dealing with for The Winds of Winter (next Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones book) and some other stuff I wasn't familiar with, and then we went back to riding the bus. It was like an object lesson in how merely doing something you like in public can attract someone's attention, in this case in a good way and not a creepy way, to back up the Captain Awkward post. Same as last year when a dude I think of as Big-Headphones Guy saw me working my way through the Song of Ice and Fire series and asked me a couple of times on our way off the bus how I was liking them.
(I actually later learned Big-Headphones Guy's name because he sometimes orders breakfast at the same counter-service place I go to when I am not able to pack mine. But that is not important here.)
Number one, both of these are examples of how to talk to someone on public transit about what they're reading without being annoying or creepy. Number two, they were just nice encounters that served as reminders that pop culture is my favorite conversation topic with unfamiliar people, when in the mood to converse with unfamiliar people or when forced to at a party or whatever. (Not that that prevented me from being all flustered and nervous when replying.) Number three, they bolster the argument that displaying something you like could be enough to make an unexpected connection with someone. (Once again, assuming you are in the mood.) Which is nice. Even though I also understand that dating partners generally do not fall from the sky and so some effort is required to find interesting ones. Fortune favors the prepared mind, and whatnot. There was a good post about that somewhere but I don't think it was Captain Awkward.
Like I said: Rambling. :)
tl;dr someone asked about Saga on the bus today and I think she's going to try it out. Payin' it forward.
Also I hung up some curtains tonight with the hope that this side of the room won't be eight degrees colder than the other side anymore. It is not a big room. Must say I am not a fan of the cold-air waterfall that has been pouring down my neck on the few days this winter that it has been wintery. N.B. by "hung up" I mean "nailed to the window frame" because there are no rods yet.
I don't tend to make New Year's resolutions. When I do try to change a behavior, I don't wait for January. But I've been thinking about whether there's anything internal I'd like to work on this year, and one thing is to continue to learn how to be nice to myself, and another is to think more seriously about, & then be more proactive about, dating. Which is why I was re-reading some Captain Awkward posts this afternoon about dealing with feelings of unattractiveness while dating (example). Because while I have gained a lot of confidence in the last 10 to 15 years that my hobbies and tastes are OK, largely thanks to fandom, and while I'd like to think I have developed pretty good social skills despite being a natural introvert, I do have a lifelong deep-set conviction that I am not good-looking, not helped by some health-related body changes in recent years, and people say there is nothing like entering an urban dating pool full of strangers to undermine your self-confidence in any and all areas, including the above.
Anyway, that is all still academic at this point. What I wanted to say is that the posts include people's anecdotes about eventually finding well-matched partners due to being one's authentic -- in many of these cases, geeky -- self in online profiles and/or in person. A practice I fully subscribe to. And then this very evening on the bus ride home, a young woman in a nearby seat wearing a knit Pikachu hat leaned over and excused herself and asked what I was reading because every time she'd glanced over it looked more interesting. (It was Saga vol. 4.) We had a little conversation about it, she mentioned that the wait between issues wouldn't be a problem considering the wait she is dealing with for The Winds of Winter (next Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones book) and some other stuff I wasn't familiar with, and then we went back to riding the bus. It was like an object lesson in how merely doing something you like in public can attract someone's attention, in this case in a good way and not a creepy way, to back up the Captain Awkward post. Same as last year when a dude I think of as Big-Headphones Guy saw me working my way through the Song of Ice and Fire series and asked me a couple of times on our way off the bus how I was liking them.
(I actually later learned Big-Headphones Guy's name because he sometimes orders breakfast at the same counter-service place I go to when I am not able to pack mine. But that is not important here.)
Number one, both of these are examples of how to talk to someone on public transit about what they're reading without being annoying or creepy. Number two, they were just nice encounters that served as reminders that pop culture is my favorite conversation topic with unfamiliar people, when in the mood to converse with unfamiliar people or when forced to at a party or whatever. (Not that that prevented me from being all flustered and nervous when replying.) Number three, they bolster the argument that displaying something you like could be enough to make an unexpected connection with someone. (Once again, assuming you are in the mood.) Which is nice. Even though I also understand that dating partners generally do not fall from the sky and so some effort is required to find interesting ones. Fortune favors the prepared mind, and whatnot. There was a good post about that somewhere but I don't think it was Captain Awkward.
Like I said: Rambling. :)
tl;dr someone asked about Saga on the bus today and I think she's going to try it out. Payin' it forward.
Also I hung up some curtains tonight with the hope that this side of the room won't be eight degrees colder than the other side anymore. It is not a big room. Must say I am not a fan of the cold-air waterfall that has been pouring down my neck on the few days this winter that it has been wintery. N.B. by "hung up" I mean "nailed to the window frame" because there are no rods yet.
no subject
Date: Jan. 7th, 2015 02:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Jan. 7th, 2015 04:49 am (UTC)Which is really to say, kudos to you for being open to having those conversations (maybe the next step will be initiating one)! And thanks for pointing me towards Captain Awkward.
no subject
Date: Jan. 7th, 2015 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Jan. 7th, 2015 11:26 pm (UTC)2. So is Saga.
3. So are random public transportation conversations. I had an adorable one the other day with a young man who wanted to know what the hell was that vegetable sticking out of my bag? It was brussels sprouts still on the stalk, and then the girl in front of him wanted to know what I was going to do with them, so I told her about that, and my farm share, and she carefully wrote down the name of the farm. :)
4. Uh. You are hot as hell. Fuck Hollywood or whomever, seriously, fuck it in the ear, it knows NOTHING.
no subject
Date: Jan. 8th, 2015 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Jan. 8th, 2015 12:28 am (UTC)Captain Awkward is great. Your thanks get passed along to
no subject
Date: Jan. 8th, 2015 12:35 am (UTC)On the bright side, turns out the county library system does have Steerswoman, and I requested it today. When I'd checked soon after your original recommendation, it looked like they only had a later book in the series, but it seems it's one and two packaged together under the confusing name "Steerswoman's Road." ANYWAY, SOON IT WILL BE IN MY HANDS.
no subject
Date: Jan. 8th, 2015 01:04 am (UTC)4: You are sweet. I wish I could believe and internalize comments like that. I wish I knew a way to talk about stuff like this without sounding like I am being falsely humble or fishing for compliments. I hope to find resources that help with all that.
3: Cute! Also, "what the hell was that vegetable sticking out of my bag" makes an excellent euphemism. Is that a Brussels sprout stalk, or are you just...? It's funny how many veg go on the list of foods marketed in the U.S. in forms enough removed from their natural state that seeing how they actually grow (or what the animal actually looks like) can be downright confusing.
Hope you're staying warm over there. <3 *blankets*
no subject
Date: Jan. 8th, 2015 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Jan. 8th, 2015 01:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Jan. 8th, 2015 02:44 pm (UTC)