Sestina!fic #1: House post-infarction

[bironic]

So those sets of six prompts I requested back in September? The big secret is that I've been playing around with some sestinas. (Yes, I am that much of a geek.) For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, it's a type of poem consisting of seven stanzas where the same six words appear at the ends of the lines in a different order in each of the first six stanzas, and then two of the words appear in each line of the final three-line stanza. There are more rules -- Poets.org explains in detail -- but that's the gist of it. That may sound confusing, but once you read one you'll get it.

Irony of ironies, of the five poems I've got going for the first round (four House, one Harry Potter), I ended up using only one full prompt set from what everyone supplied, plus a few words scattered here and there. Since I'd never written poetry!fic nor a "normal" sestina before, it was easiest to write with simple prompts closely related to the characters. If you gave me prompts, don't be disappointed -- at least one set from everyone will be turned into a poem or ficlet.

ETA: For the poetry-phobic among you: It's non-rhyming, and it reads like a story. There are just line breaks in odd places and a lot of repeated words.


Okay! First one up:


Character: Gregory House
Rating: R for language
Word Count: 450
Prompts: painkiller, Stacy, fuck, nerves, dead, laugh
Spoilers: "Three Stories"
A/N: To quote Eddie Izzard, the infrastructure's fucked. In other words, screwed up the order on this one. But I liked the stanzas enough to leave it alone.
A/N 2: A University of Northern Iowa webpage mentions the obsession that underlies the sestina because of its constant return to the same words. I think that's what makes this form so fitting for House.


Being crippled against one's will is in fact worse than being dead,
He concludes. Six days of this hell called recovery and his nerves
Are frayed beyond repair (metaphorically and physically; he'd laugh
If he wasn't afraid he'd start sobbing). So are Stacy's—
She's smoking again—but he doesn't have the energy to give a fuck
About anyone as he lies in his hospital bed numbing himself with painkillers.

Of course, he wouldn't need the IV or the antibiotics or the painkillers
If they had let him ride it out once he'd gone under instead of laughing
In his comatose face, scooping out muscle and slicing nerves
Despite knowing full well he wanted the idiots to stay the hell out. Stacy
Cries her excuses (You would have died, for a minute you were dead),
Cuddy checks in and Wilson visits, and he wishes everyone would leave him the fuck

Alone for a change. Fuck Stacy for betraying him and fuck
Cuddy for encouraging her. Yeah, maybe he'd be dead
But now he has to live with a ruined leg and raw nerves
That no sympathy or rehab or walking aid or painkiller
Can heal. He's the one who's fucking crippled, not Stacy
Sitting there with smudged mascara looking as if she'll never laugh

Again. Except then she barks the most bitter, incredulous laugh
He's heard from her as she loses her patience and has the nerve
To snap For God's sake, Greg, would you rather be dead?
He thinks Why not—he can't walk, can't drive, can't fuck,
Can't stand the sight of his goddamn painkillers
And his goddamn concave thigh and goddamn Stacy

Who did this to him. So he lobs a pill bottle at Stacy's
Head and shouts What's the opposite of painkiller
Because that's you and laughs
And keeps laughing because what the fuck
Else can he do when his leg's half-dead
And what's left comprises a minefield of detonating nerves?

He turns away from her, wondering whether the nerve
Damage or the helplessness will break him first. It doesn't take long for Stacy
To heave a frustrated sob and leave the room. He can't reach his painkillers
But he refuses to press the call button. His breath hitches when he laughs
This time. His throat feels tight. His cheeks are wet. Baby. Like a fucking
Baby, says his father's voice in his head. Men don't cry. Dead

Men don't feel pain. His nerves fire as if on cue. Though it hurts like fuck
It distracts him from visions of Stacy leaving for good. He wheezes a final laugh.
If he takes enough painkillers, maybe he can forget how peaceful it felt to be dead.


* * *


Feedback is love. That includes concrit. Considering there will be more of these, advice on what works and what doesn't would be appreciated.

Comments

[simple--man.livejournal.com]

I read, let it sink in, came back and read again. That last line is so incredibly powerful, it almost takes a minute for your brain to wrap around the implications of that. And I love the "opposite of painkiller" line, because I could hear it in my head.

I would be so intimidated by this format, but you really did an awesome job with it, and it really works well as a mirror for House's thoughts, the running together-ness of it.

The imagery works so well, but it really is a time bomb, seemingly simple and then, like five or ten minutes later, something explodes and you go, "Oh, that was good..." Love these, look forward to more.

[firestorm717.livejournal.com]

I don't read much poetry, but this was great - I could feel the anger and bitterness crackle off the page (or rather, computer monitor), and hear their argument in my head. Have to agree with the above commenter that

What's the opposite of painkiller
Because that's you

was my favorite part. The ending was powerful; loved the reference to his father, because I imagine everyone has a version of their father's voice in their head, and that's definitely House's.

No criticism, because I don't read enough poetry to talk about that.

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

That was just... extremely cool. I'd vaguely heard of sestinas but it's been a very, very long time since I read one. I liked the intensity of the format, particularly for this subject. The pacing worked for me, and I also notice the 'opposite of painkiller' line which was great. The 'fucking' in the second last stanza jarred a little the first time, but on a reread it doesn't. It was just the first time I actually noticed you'd changed the forms of the words in some places. You've taken great advantage of 'fuck's' versatility :)

I remember supplying a prompt set - do I get one of these? Because I will be terribly thrilled if I do.

[elynittria.livejournal.com]

Oh my god--sestinas! I think I'm in love. This was amazing, and I can't wait to read the rest of them.

[leiascully.livejournal.com]

Zowie. This is going in my mems for a number of rereads. I was intrigued by the idea, and it's come out amazingly well! The sestina form works for you.

[(Anonymous)]

wow! very moving and i know how hard it is to do something so measured and have it come out as free flowing as you have! cudos!!

[perspi.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. This is so fantastic, I don't know how you did it! I've never heard of sestinas before (I'm a terrible geek!), but I'm absolutely floored by what you've been able to do within this structure. Of the six words you had for prompts, I'm especially impressed with how you used 'laugh' - it has so many different meanings in the different stanzas, and I especially like the one with House's hysterical laughter - because what else can he do?

Bravo! Very, very wonderful. Angry, bitter, and it cuts to the core.

[maineac.livejournal.com]

Amazing. It has all the compact power of poetry, but reads like a story.

[bell]

...Well, that's intense.

I'd be more concrit-y but poetry has always been a bit beyond my grokkment. I will say that you're lucky you got "fuck" as one of the words, as it's strong (in sound, in meaning), and the way it stands out is effective-- especially since you use it in different ways. (noun, insult, verb, etc)

Oh, and you ought to see this (there's a couple of compliments for you). :3

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. That's exactly the sort of reaction I was hoping this would evoke. Actually, that's not even true -- what you've described is beyond what I'd hoped for. You've made me feel good all day. :)

I owe a lot to early Season Six BtVS for that last line. I think you'll know what I mean.

Three people so far have singled out the "opposite of painkiller" line, which is fitting, because that's the first line I wrote. Sestinas force you to be creative about how you use the repeated words; as I was thinking about different ways to incorporate "painkiller," that line just came to me, and like you, I could hear House shouting it. The whole poem was then built around that stanza, which I put near the end because I wanted to build up to it. It seems to have worked!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Oh, marvelous! I was hoping all those roiling emotions would come through.

As I said to simple__man, it's fitting that people are picking out the "opposite of painkiller" line, because that's the seed around which the whole poem grew. I'm glad to see it's retaining its power and yet not overpowering the whole poem.

Funny thing about his father's voice. I've spent a long time on these poems, on and off, thinking and drafting, and then yesterday the final two stanzas of this one came at me out of the blue and practically wrote themselves in just a few minutes. The sob that threatened in the first stanza needed to come back, I guess, and the memory of his father chastising him followed on its heels.

Thanks for giving this a shot even though you don't normally read poetry!

[pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com]

I am floored by how beautiful, bitter, emotion-packed and just plain freakin' intricate this is. The use of "laugh" in particular struck me, because it's never done or mentioned joyfully, and the italicized dialogue is amazing, because even in those tiny snippets, I can clearly hear the speaker's voice.

This is simply incredible writing.

[simple--man.livejournal.com]

Good, excellent! My job here is done, you are an excellent feedbacker, and you deserve the same in return.

Oh my yes. The imagery is not lost on me. Seriously, through the day, I kept coming back to that thought. That would be an excellent exploration, btw, of House in comp to Season 6 Buffy...with Wilson as his Spike?

It's a damned good line, and one that opens up your imagination as to just how bad it could be with House after the infarction.

Love, love, love this. I cannot sing your praises enough. Look forward to more.

[sandssavvy.livejournal.com]

That was soo sad, but in a good angst sort of way.
The way you wrote House's thoughts was very powerful.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to fear the others aren't going to live up to this! Certainly none of them are as angry.

House in comp to Season 6 Buffy...with Wilson as his Spike

Oh yes. There's so much there. And Wilson for Spike is the next logical substitution. Stacy as Willow, the catalyst who alienates the hero(ine)? And it could culminate in a musical! and then degenerate into a season's worth of very unhealthy sex.

Anyway, if that's a hint, I've got to at least finish the Spike/William one first (the fic I cheated on with these poems).

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Both of your sets are in line; I hope to use the second for a poem, and the first will have to be a ficlet if anything. Now you know why I playfully complained about getting prompts like "argent" and "sacrilege"!

Thanks for the heads-up about the form change being jarring the first time through. I'll keep that in mind next time I consider a bigger change to a prompt, like adding "ing" instead of just an "s" or an apostrophe. On the bright side, it means the other adjustments worked well because they didn't register, and that's also good to know.

I liked the intensity of the format, particularly for this subject.

I'm glad this one got finished first, because it really is the best example of the bunch of how the form suits House's obsessiveness.

You've taken great advantage of 'fuck's' versatility :)

Heh. There's something you're not told every day.

[simple--man.livejournal.com]

I'm sure they will, I believe in you. There are plenty of emotions to plumb in the fandom.

Oh, there MUST be a House musical. Simply must be.

*laughing* Oh no, I've got WAY too many fics on my back burner to ever be guilty of trying to fill up somebody else's stovetop. Not that I'd say no, mind you. Not at all ^^ Spike and William are worth the wait, I'm sure of it. If this is how you cheat, I'm all for it.

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

The emotional punch in this poem-story is devastating. It reads like one long scream of agony--and I mean that in a good way. The sestina form seems to really suit this theme. Utterly amazing.

[mer-duff.livejournal.com]

That was spectacular! Not only do you work brilliantly within a complex structure, but in doing so you’ve created a piece of equal emotional complexity. House's pain was absolutely visceral, but you captured Stacy's situation as well. And that last line was devastating.

What an amazing form to work in, too. It's not one I'm familiar with (another reason to regret not bailing out of J-school in second year), and now I'm totally intrigued. I can't wait to read the rest!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Hee. I thought you might like this project. Thanks for the enthusiasm, and I hope the others live up to expectation.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Oh, splendid. Thanks so much. That passage in your House/Wilson fic with the shampoo bottles (which, if I haven't mentioned it lately, I love) really gave me a kick in the seat of the pants to finish these up.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thank you! That was indeed one of the many challenges of writing this, trying to get every sentence to flow naturally instead of forcing the prompts to fit. I'm glad it worked for you.

[jadesfire.livejournal.com]

Oh my. I'm struggling to know where to start with this, because the only word that comes to mind is...superlative... I love the way that the form intensifies the story and the run-ons between the middle verses gives them a great pace so that you really feel what's going on inside House's head.

Apart from the Painkiller line, which is inspired, I liked "instead of laughing / In his comatose face," because it sounds so very House - clearly, because it's not what he wanted, they've done it just to spite and mock him. The descriptions of the pain are wincingly graphic - especially "minefield of detonating nerves" so that the reader's right there with him.

The break after the first five stanzas works nicely with the story - like a deep breath after his outburst and hysteria. You shift the mood really well from bitterness to anguish here.

I'm not sure what the punctuation convention is for these things, but there were a few points where I could have used a bit more! Like around 'in fact' in the first line and after "He thinks" in the 4th stanza. I also got a bit lost with the pronouns in the 2nd stanza - thought the "them" in the fourth line was about the nerves and muscle - couldn't work out what it was he wanted to stay out.

I never would have thought that fanfiction could work as poetry - I love being proved wrong! Encore ;)

Hope you don't mind that I friended you (sorry for not asking) - am glad I did so I could pick up this!

[leiascully.livejournal.com]

I am well pleased that I could write something that would stay with you! By the way, recced this at TWOP, hope you don't mind.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Mind? Of course not! usomitai pointed me to the forums post yesterday and I was (and still am) thrilled.

Yep, I definitely took that paragraph and started a file for fic quotes that read like sestinas. It's good inspiration.

[leiascully.livejournal.com]

I am very flattered. And I'm going to read your sestina over and over as I write tonight's SmutTuesday fic, because you've made something as close to perfect as it gets.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

(edited for addition)

Thank you! I'm not quite sure how it pulled together so well in the end either, and I'm starting to fear with all this great response that the other poems aren't going to live up to this one. Well, we'll see. I think the Wilson one will be a close second.

Interesting that you picked out "laugh" from among the prompts. Sestinas definitely demand creativity and flexibility when you're using the same word seven times or more.

Oddly enough, it helped that the framework was so structured. I tend to work better within limits, especially length limits, so the sestina format helped really focus House's experience into these angry, painful, desperate circles.

...And a few weeks or months later, House and Stacy end up in "Bitter." Heh.

P.S. You're not a terrible geek! You have an extraordinary long fic running and just this morning you referenced the Bene Gesserit. :)

[bironic.livejournal.com]

*blushes*
*grins*
*blushes some more*

That's... well, wow, thank you. Though of course nothing's ever perfect, right? I'll be making a tweak or two to it later thanks to some stuff jadesfire2808 mentioned.

There's something fitting about reading a repetitive poem repetitively.

[leiascully.livejournal.com]

Isn't there? Especially in the autumn, somehow. I think it's partly that Northern France is so foggy.

I'm extremely fussy and I think it's almost perfect, but that's what readers are for! Your sestinas feel like dancing. Today's was a light and lovely waltz; the first one was a painful shuffling sort of dance but still gorgeous, very House.

[sceptical.livejournal.com]

Oh my God. Oh. Jesus.

This is, of course, as aforementioned, brilliant. All the more so because it is a sestina, and it is fucking well one. I don't think I've seen a sestina done so well in God knows how long (and I'd just reread some W. H. Auden last week so this form is so fresh on my mind) and just

I'm running to class now but I had to leave a comment before I forgot. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Will read the second one later.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Hope you don't mind that I friended you (sorry for not asking) - am glad I did so I could pick up this!

'Course I don't mind! It's flattering to be added to someone's reading list. Especially when that someone comments on form and function and line breaks and punctuation. We're speakin' the same language. I've enjoyed "working" with you over at perspi's too.

Thank you for your insightful response and everything you've singled out. It makes me unspeakably happy to know not only that that stuff is coming through but also that someone (with a lit crit background?) recognizes/appreciates how it's doing what it's doing. ...I'm trying to sound grateful, not conceited.

I'm not sure what the punctuation convention is for these things, but there were a few points where I could have used a bit more! Like around 'in fact' in the first line and after "He thinks" in the 4th stanza. I also got a bit lost with the pronouns in the 2nd stanza - thought the "them" in the fourth line was about the nerves and muscle.

Yeah, I was wondering about the "them." Maybe "the bastards" or "the assholes." Hm.

After reading your comment I tried putting a pair of commas around "in fact," pondered, and then took them out again because it messes with the flow; I don't want to slow down yet in that first line. It's funny because if this were a regular story instead of a poem I'd be right there with you. House's voice here needs as few impediments as possible (without compromising comprehensibility). I'm still debating, though.

Leaving out the comma after "He thinks" was a deliberate decision way at the beginning of the writing process. It'd be technically correct to put one in there, but I like how House's thoughts race right into the dialogue.

Encore ;)

You'll get four encores. Well, three now, since the second one went up. Hope you don't regret asking. :)

[bironic.livejournal.com]

I like how House's thoughts race right into the dialogue.

Er, not dialogue there. Just racing thoughts. *facepalm*

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I love the way you've described it -- "one long scream of agony." I wanted to get this one done first because it introduces the idea of a fanfic-sestina in what I think is the most powerful way of all the poems in the batch, by complementing or even enhancing House's obsessive, circular thoughts. He strikes me as the kind of guy who returns to the same concepts again and again in his brooding sessions, and post-infarction I imagine his agony, his inability to escape from thoughts of his leg/the betrayal/etc., would have been ten times worse. Et voila.

[jadesfire.livejournal.com]

I knew what you meant ;)

(with a lit crit background?)
It shows, doesn't it? *sheepish grin* Classics rather than English, but the principle's the same. Can't seem to help myself...just ask perspi!

I thought the punctuation might be a conscious decision - I think I agree that here, it works well without - just requires more attention on the part of the reader, which is no bad thing! *pootles off to no. 2*

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thank you -- that was the idea, to have a highly concentrated story within the structured form. I'm so glad to hear it's packing a punch.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Heh. I picked these prompts, and yes, "fuck" is a helpfully versatile word. It helped keep me "in the mood" while writing as well.

Thanks for the link! Compliments are always a little sweeter when they're said behind one's back.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

My goodness. Thank you very much. Alas for the structure's out of whack, or else I'd feel better about it as a sestina rather than a sestina-ish fic. In some of the others I'm working on, I scrambled up the standard order but still made sure no end word appears in the same position twice; here, several of them repeated ("nerve" got B twice and C twice, for instance). But anyway. Your comment is quite flattering and really made my day yesterday.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Hurrah! I'm so glad you liked it.

It is a pretty amazing form to work in, and this project has been a pretty amazing experience in general. Like I said in the notes, I'd never written a sestina before, but most of the ones I've read have a quiet power to them that seems appropriate for the character, and once I thought of it, it was just too cool of an idea to pass up.

(And, heh, yeah, also speaking from experience, journalism definitely begs for supplementary pursuits for those who like a dose of creativity and imagination with their writing.)

[joe-pike-junior.livejournal.com]

Oh. Brilliant.


Cheers
Armchair Elvis.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Cheers back! Glad you enjoyed it.

[awwsugah.livejournal.com]

MARVELOUS!

I wanna write one now, lol. This was TOO amazing though--a tour de force for sure. Smashing!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thanks, glad you enjoyed. Good luck if you decide to give one a try!

Sestina: House

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

Wow.
Excellent. Restrained hate and anger and frustration. Or, rather, bubbling under the surface of not being able to do anything.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Oh, cool, you're taking a look at these.

Bubbling under the surface, definitely. House doesn't know how to deal with his feelings normally, so experiencing these surging emotions when he can't do anything about them must have been especially infuriating. Frustration on top of frustration.

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am. :-) I'm catching on up everything.
The sestinas are a fascinating format.

[celebriangel.livejournal.com]

I've read loads of post-infarction fics, and none of them packed this amount of raw emotion into them, and you managed it in so few words. My right thigh is tingling and throbbing here - that's how good it is. This is a glass shard of a poem and doesn't just describe House's pain, it sticks the reader in the thigh with it. Amazing.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thanks very much. "Glass shard of a poem" -- what a beautiful description. This is my favorite of the sestinas I've done so far because of the emotion it packs. I can't imagine that House's first few days after waking up weren't pure agony in all senses. I'm so glad to hear that it's affected you. Hope your sympathetic leg pain lets up, though!

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

What a fantastic writing experiment. I'm really enjoying these. Thank you so much.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks very much yourself. I'm so delighted -- I didn't really expect many people to give fanfic-poems a try. I hope you'll like the rest as well (when I finally get around to finishing them *g*).