On being inadvertently drawn (in)to fandom wank: when you have friends on both sides

[bironic]

I have friends who don't know each other who are entrenched on either side of a major fandom wank right now, and it is a very weird place to be. Not that it is about me at all, or the individuals involved*, but I find myself wondering at the social politics of it more than the actual issue at stake. Namely: How do you take a side? (Why) must you take a side? Are you responsible, as a friend and community member, to thoroughly verse yourself in the recent history of the wank and the posts it has spawned? Should you disregard all personal relations (if that's even possible) to attempt at least that much objectivity before approaching the situation?

*Except it is, because things have turned personal, as they tend to.

On the one hand, I have been on the receiving end of very articulate wank by respected LJ community members before, and I know it is not a fun place to be; that in the face of such reaction, one might become tangled in one's own defenses; and so my sympathies go to the people who are trying to deal with this right now, regardless of whether they are in the right -- if there is a right. On the other hand, from what little I've seen of the arguments, the opposition seems justified, and I suspect that if I didn't know the people they are criticizing, didn't know that they are good and decent and intelligent, I might more easily disagree with or dismiss or even insult them (though not publicly, I would hope) as others are doing.

And so I wonder: How can you side with the opposition when many of them personally attack others of your friends? How can you defend those under attack when you suspect that you agree with the people who disagree with them? Do you find a middle ground in which you defend your friends as people while potentially (since again, I'm not well-versed in the details here) disagreeing with their position? Do you stay the hell away from it all?

Or do you make a thinly veiled post about it and avoid the issue entirely?

ETA: I'm not looking for advice, really. But if you have been in a situation like this before, in any capacity, I'd be interested to hear how you dealt with it and how it turned out.

ETA 2: The argument seems to have just been resolved, although I'm sure it will take days for the ripples to fade. So while the questions aren't presently applicable anymore, they're still a good theoretical exercise, and sadly, will probably be useful when another situation like this arises in the future.

ETA 3: This isn't a House fandom issue -- you're not missing something!

...

Steering clear of wank is my usual modus operandi. It's taken a while to decide to post even this. It's doubtless related to my innate desire for mediation, my frustration with argument and debate, and frankly, my distaste for social politics in general. (The "who's mad at whom" game is childish and irrelevant, the thinking goes... at least, when you don't know the people involved.) On top of which, there's no way to win an online argument when it descends into wank, and there's certainly no way to achieve resolution when things reach these proportions. There are just bad feelings all around.

Anyway. Comments are screened.
 

Comments

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

If the wank is what I think it is, you probably want to stay away from it as far as possible. That's a nasty one. :-\ The problem is, that wank's so loaded that any position you take is going to be held against you, because you are friends with folks on both sides.

Personally, I was (and still am) appalled, even more so when I learned exactly what the contentious word meant, and how it was used. Then again, I don't know those involved, so I'm not directly affected. The only way I can see the wank diffusing, is if a sincere apology is issued. Unfortunately I think it's beyond that now.

[elynittria.livejournal.com]

Do you stay the hell away from it all?

Apparently, since I have no idea what wank you're talking about! Could you clue me in briefly? (Not that I intend to join the argument, whatever it is, but I like to know that such things are going on within one of my fandoms.)

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Heh. It doesn't involve House (or SGA), except in the sense that they and other fandoms are affected by panfannish discussion. This particular wank has been all over metafandom for several days and has been popping up on my f-list with increasing frequency. But it should start dying down now.

[elynittria.livejournal.com]

Oh, OK. I won't bother looking into it then, since it's not relevant to my little corner of the world. I tend to avoid panfannish discussions.

Thanks for replying, though!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Your overall mental health may be the better for that. Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise, eh?

[bironic.livejournal.com]

The problem is, that wank's so loaded that any position you take is going to be held against you, because you are friends with folks on both sides.

Which is another problem for those of us who, like Remus Lupin and perhaps James Wilson, want to be liked by everyone.

I hear there has been a statement and retraction that may begin to clear things up, but who knows how long people will continue to be upset over this.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

when I've got friends on both sides (which hasn't happened much in my primary fandom) I want to know what's going on.

Yes, true. In this case, though, there have been a ton of posts, not to mention comments, that would take more time to read through than I have, unfortunately.

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

This isn't a House fandom issue -- you're not missing something!

*is giggling at the thought of Bironic waving her hands in the air and yelling "Calm down! Everybody just calm down!"*

;-D

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Ha! A scene not too far from many family gatherings and staff meetings, in fact.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that'd be the one.

[bell]

I don't know if you'd be up to talking about it in a private forum (aim, email), as I'm wondering about some of the same subjects (and some different ones) about you and I myself don't have the courage to post about it.

If not-- then I think, in this case especially, steering clear of the issue is the best possible method.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Just to reiterate -- it's less the subject matter of the wank than the questions that arose about how to approach the mess that I'm interested in. Ya? Feel free to email. I'm around on and off all night as I put my bedroom back together (it had to be emptied over the weekend for carpet work).

[bironic.livejournal.com]

then I tend to just stay away from it and fret.

Et voila. Me too. Fortunately, neither side asked me to join in -- it is/was more a matter of wondering whether I should feel personally obligated to join in since people I knew are/were involved. I do hope nobody is upset that I stayed out of it!

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

Fascinating. I also do my very best not to get involved in wank - I did have the experience once where I contradicted a friend's opinion in the interests of what I saw as being fairness and objectivity to others, only to get rebuked quite strongly for it. I left it at that - I for one tend to form very strong opinions on the rightness and wrongness of the parties involved regardless of my personal affiliations, but IMO it's better not to voice them if you want to continue to be on speaking terms *g*.

Summary: RUN AWAY!!!

[thewlisian-afer.livejournal.com]

Wank? Where?! XD I kind of get a kick out of wank most of the time because I tend to be able to see both sides and rarely think one is right and one is wrong. Being honestly neutral is very helpful when trying not to take sides because of friends. Heh.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

'Course, the trouble with being neutral, or at least with seeing the points both sides are making, is that you get angry at everyone.

It's been all over metafandom; you can't miss it.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Like in Finding Nemo? "Swim away!"

Yeah. Wading into the fray just felt like inviting trouble, and it seems that's just as well, since things are settling down now.

Sorry to hear about your getting slapped down for voicing your opinion independent of friendship. Suckage.

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

Like in Finding Nemo? "Swim away!"

I was thinking 'Monty Python' myself, but the principle holds *g*

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

I hate this wank. I like it when wankery is about marrying Snape on Astral Plane - this one just leaves you with a bad taste on your mouth. It's worse if you know people involved - the only way, perhaps, is to keep your mouth shut and your head down. Remus Lupin would approve. *g*

[bironic.livejournal.com]

So long as no one gets almost eaten, AK'd or sent to Azkaban because of it, I agree.

(Has there really been wank about marrying Snape on the Astral Plane? Sounds like fun!)