Public health announcement: Take a moment now and ask yourself, Do I have Death?

[bironic]

I love wrongdiagnosis.com; it's useful and well laid-out for the lay researcher.

But this is just funny. Here's what can happen, kids, when you display every entry in your encyclopedia within a template.

Page title: Symptoms of Death

Questions include: Do I have Death? How serious is it?

Follow some links, and you encounter such nuggets as: Estimated mortality rate for Death; 100.0% (ratio of deaths to incidence); Annual mortality rates vary with age and generally increase with age after the first year; Failure to Diagnose Death; Treatments for Death; Deaths from Death.

It is interesting reading besides being worth a few laughs.

Comments

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Hee. Reminds me of when I was researching hypovolemic shock on eMedicine.com for a WIP, and found that the only two complications listed for this condition were "neurologic sequelae" and "death."

[catilinarian.livejournal.com]

That is FANTASTIC! And I love "Failure to Diagnose Death". Always remember to get a second opinion, folks.

There's something Pratchett-esque about the line, "Do I have Death? How serious is it?" Or maybe I'm just thinking of Princess Keli in Mort, who decided, "Is it serious?" was too flip a response to the announcement that she was, in fact, dead. :)

[catilinarian.livejournal.com]

As a side note, you can also search for "Other Diseases With Similar Symptoms To Death". SIMILAR SYMPTOMS?

[spoopy.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a Monty Python skit. XD

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you know, like vampirism.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. Tough to bring a character back from those. :D

[pynelyf.livejournal.com]

This was absolutely hilarious and has totally made my day, which so far has been pretty shitty what with plagiarizing students and all...

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Oh, hey there! Yes, it does.

And while I have you: being Australian and all (you, that is), or at least living there -- might you perhaps know what sort of spiders Chase might commonly have encountered as a child? Or, more specifically, whether a huntsman spider is something he'd be familiar with? Because I looked on Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_common_Australian_spiders) and that's a heck of a lot of spiders to choose from. (Also, eugh.)

[pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com]

I think you have to turn in your medical license when there's Failure to Diagnose Death!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Hee. I wonder how much of it was intentionally funny vs. what ended up being hilarious because of the templating. They might have morbid senses of humor over there.

Sorry to hear about plagiarism troubles. And on Halloween! It's supposed to be a fun day. :(

[walking-miracle.livejournal.com]

Oh my, this is just pure comic gold!

"Underlying causes for death" - this list should be endless!

List of symptoms of Death:
The list of signs and symptoms mentioned in various sources for Death includes the 2 symptoms listed below:

* Stop breathing
* Stop of heart beat

Note that Death symptoms usually refers to various symptoms known to a patient, but the phrase Death signs may refer to those signs only noticable by a doctor. - both the two signs and the bolded part made me laugh

[spoopy.livejournal.com]

That would depend on where in Australia he was. For instance, Funnel Web spiders are found predominantly around Sydney, specifically around the Carlingford/Eastwood region (where I used to live and had plenty of encounters with Funnel Webs). These aren't common to anyone, except around the areas in which they're found. They're pretty rampant in those areas.

If he's down in Melbourne, he would come across a lot of Huntsmen because Melbourne is Huntsmen territory. However, Huntsmen are also very prominent in Sydney, too - they're known as Tarantulas in Sydney, even though that's the wrong name for them. In Melbourne, they're just known as Huntsmen. Everyone is familiar with these spiders. They are mostly found during summer time - or, at least, that is when they are most rampant and likely to be inside homes.

Another spider he'd come across, particularly along the east of Australia, is White Tip spiders, sometimes called White Tail spiders. They inflict a very nasty bite that can cause necrosis, due to their venom being mainly bacterial rather than poison. (I got bitten by one of these in my bed and it was not pretty.) They are lethal to children when bites are left unaided. White tips are almost a generic kind of spider out here - doesn't matter where you are, you can pretty much be guaranteed to come across them. They're often mistaken as the common 'garden spider'. He would come across a lot of these, too.

If he is around bushlands, especially around places that have lots of wood (for example, maybe his dad has a barbeque area with firewood or something), he could come across Redbacks. He would come across a lot of these if he lived in an area that was known for Redbacks.

Also in bushlands, especially up in Sydney, he might come across Wolf spiders or Mouse spiders, particularly Mouse spiders. The further north he is, the bigger the spiders (and insects) are, especially up in the tropics of Cairns et al.

And... that's probably more information than you needed. XD But basically, yes - it depends on where in Australia he is.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

No, that's wonderful, thank you! Wow. Much more helpful than Wikipedia. It was never established on the show where Chase hails from, was it? If I don't end up choosing a species that's fairly widespread in the country, I might get away with saying he's from wherever Jesse Spencer's from.

Thanks again! It's really a fascinating overview.

[spoopy.livejournal.com]

Jesse Spencer is from Melbourne, as far as I know. His family used to live close to where I live now. And no, it's never established where Chase is from. I'd probably pick him as being from Sydney or Melbourne.

I forgot to mention another kind of spider that he would likely come across, and that's a Trapdoor spider. Those are fascinating to kids because they bury a hole in the ground where they nest and cover their nest with a clump of dirt and grass, used as a trapdoor - the spider literally flips the cover up and shut. It's easy to get bitten by these in Trapdoor areas because if you walk across the grass barefoot... you get the idea. =)

If you need any more help, let me know. I know a lot about growing up in Australia around Chase's time as a kid, being his character is around the same age as me. =)

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I also like Misdiagnosis of Death, Undiagnosed Death, and Risk Factors for Death.

"One possible misdiagnosis is the failure to correctly diagnose Death leading to a person remaining with undiagnosed Death. Any condition can potentially be missed and stay undiagnosed."

"Having a risk factor for Death makes the chances of getting a condition higher but does not always lead to Death. Also, the absence of any risk factors or having a protective factor does not necessarily guard you against getting Death."

[pynelyf.livejournal.com]

I'd forgotten it was Halloween, which makes this the perfect post, really. I sort of want to make an informational brochure based on this and distributing it.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I will. I may even poke you about the same fic the spider research ("research") is for, once I make up a story about some trauma he had as a child involving spiders.

Sydney or Melbourne would make sense, since his father was a hotshot who probably worked at a large metropolitan hospital.

Trapdoor spiders are cool. Sort of in the same way Venus flytraps are cool.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

*laughing* Sounds like sage advice for villains in fantasy novels who think their magical charms will keep them immortal forever.

Now they just need to list some statistics about recorded cases of people walking around with undiagnosed Death. Like Vlad the Impaler and half the cast of Night of the Living Dead.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

"Underlying causes for death" - this list should be endless!

Yes -- we can start with "Life"!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Hee! Unless they start getting into medical/ethical gray areas with vegetative states and whatnot. But even then, it's not as if doctors have failed to notice.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

I thought the subject was appropriate for today. :)

And what would the brochure headline be?

[elynittria.livejournal.com]

ROTFLMFAO! Reading the entry on Death made me laugh so hard I cried.

[elynittria.livejournal.com]

P.S. I think my favorite line has to be this one:

Only your doctor can provide adequate diagnosis of any signs or symptoms and whether they are indeed Death symptoms.

I guess all corpses need to make their doctor's office their first stop, just to be sure.

[pynelyf.livejournal.com]

oh, i think you'd be very hard pressed to outdo "Do you have Death?"

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Indeedy. It could be distributed in junior high school health classes for awareness.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

A handy postscript might've mentioned, If you are reading this page, you likely do not have Death.

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

Oh no they're not! Or at least I call them huntsmen too, and I've only ever been to Melbourne on holiday. I perfected my catch-and-relase strategy on them XD

Topic: I can't believe no-one has made the 'but what if he's only mostly dead' comment yet.

[spoopy.livejournal.com]

Really? Everyone I knew in Sydney called them Tarantulas. =O Huh. Maybe it's a... regional thing? Or something? XD But yeah - all my friends and family, everyone I knew referred to Huntsmen as 'Tarantulas'.

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, huntsmen all the way for people I knew, so maybe there is some kind of regional component even in Sydney. Although mind you, we didn't often sit around talking about spiders, so it's not like an exhaustive survey XD

[spoopy.livejournal.com]

Actually, come to think of it, I remember being taught in Year 3 science in primary school, that they were 'tarantulas'. Wow, what a bad teacher that was.

[catilinarian.livejournal.com]

Of course, how silly of me.

Do I have Undeath? How serious is it?