Is anybody out there?

[bironic]

Quick--

Fanfic clichés that should go wrong or stop the action, etc., but never do. Go:

1. Biting the lip so hard they taste blood / bite through it.

2. Waiting naked in someone's room for them to come back.

...

(in case this turns into an eleventh-hour probably-SGA five-things ficlet)

Comments

[blackmare.livejournal.com]

Hm. I must be reading different stories than you. Hee!

If you spoof it, however, I will most certainly read.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Gen cliches too, if you have any on hand. I had a bunch a while back and of course now they've all deserted me.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I hate the "biting lip until blood appears" one SO MUCH!

I happen to think there's too much biting in general in today's smut. I know of no one who finds that a kink in real life. But anyway...

More cliches:
- "The hardest he'd ever been"
- Men going soft immediately after climax
- TEH HEALING SEXXORS
- Penises over ten inches
- Men who know how long their penis is to the fraction of an inch
- INCREDIBLE PAIN at the beginning of anal intercourse if the anus has been prepped and lots of lube is being used
- Women crying during orgasm
- Inevitably shouting out your partner's name during orgasm (it's OK if you do, but I've read a couple of fics that seemed to say that everyone always does that)
- Men with incredibly smooth skin in places men generally have hair, such as chest or legs
- Not being able to form coherent words as the be-all, end-all of seduction

Wait, I read your post wrong. Most of those aren't action-stopping. : /

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Eh, still funny. :D And who knows, maybe the concept of the ficlet will change based on what people toss out there.

Happy almost new year!

[jdr1184.livejournal.com]

Did you see mine? Because I think she should be able to cry during that one. *grins*

[thingswithwings.livejournal.com]

John lay naked on Rodney's bed, waiting for him to come out of the shower. He and Rodney had never had sex before, or kissed, or even really touched much except for that one time that Rodney poked him in the side to make him move away from an Ancient control panel, but all of that didn't matter because as soon as Rodney came out of the shower, he'd see John waiting for him, luxuriating on his bed, arms stretched over his head, cock hard, lube and condoms placed carefully beside him for easy access.

But Rodney was taking a long time in the shower, and John began to doubt himself. This seduction method had always worked for him before, but maybe it would be different with Rodney? He figured Rodney was probably gay because of how bad he was with women, but you could never tell. John began to get anxious, his erection flagging. He bit through his lip, relishing the taste of blood that trickled into his mouth.

Just as he started to think that maybe he should at least put on some pants before propositioning Rodney with sex, Rodney came out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips.

"Oh," he said. He blinked twice. Then he said, "You do anal?"

John nodded.

"Cool," Rodney said, nodding and dropping the towel. "Let's go."

And neither John's seduction technique nor his bloody bitten lip slowed down the sex one bit.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Whee! Oh, hilarity. With the poking and bad with women.

And, right, come to think of it, they often seem to agree or intuit who's on top.

\o/ Thanks for this end-of-year treat!

[jdr1184.livejournal.com]

I accidentally read a fic once where a different lip *points down* was bit until it bleed. Owwwwwww.

I don't mind the waiting naked in sexy but funny fics.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Gah! Ow!

[spoopy.livejournal.com]

The whole "I love you/I love you, too" parley after orgasm usually gets my goat. Though, that wouldn't normally stop the action (unless you're me).

Anything with a leaking cock. Or an oozing cock. Leaking and oozing would alert me to STDs, which would stop the action right in its place.

Men who seem to have turned into overly-sensitive women. Happens a lot in slash. Very annoying.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Hee, how can I forget cryptictac's epic battle against the leaking cock?

Thanks for these!

[jadesfire.livejournal.com]

*drive by comment*

Gripping hips/arms/whatever hard enough to bruise or biting to break the skin. Which is fine if the sex is really, really intense, otherwise? Not as easy to do as it sounds...

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, hip-bruising! *adds to list*

[recrudescence.livejournal.com]

God, I hate the lip-biting thing. I know it's meant to demonstrate ~*~intensity~*~, but there are other ways to do that, really now.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Ya. I've definitely got that one taken care of. *g* Four out of five are on their way, actually -- I hope to have this thing banged out (so to speak) by the end of the day....