Rules of engagement (presents)

[bironic]

A friend I've known for almost 20 years, and who considers me her best friend (although I've been much closer to synn for a while now), is getting married later this year and asked me to be her maid of honor. This has been interesting so far, since I've been to one wedding in my life and no bridal showers or bachelorette parties, and we live in two different states and she's having the ceremony in a third.

Anyhow, I'm heading to NY this weekend to help her with some planning and to meet the bridesmaids at a dress fitting thing. Which means it's definitely past time to get her an engagement present, since she first told me about the wedding last May and officially got engaged in September or October.

You would think I'd know what to get her, but I'm at sea. They have a registry, but I don't want to get her/them a blender or set of glasses -- too impersonal. What sort of other thing(s) does a person typically consider an appropriate engagement present?

Comments

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

If you are much closer to the bride than the groom, and are going to give them something join (or domestic) for the wedding present, then it should be okay to give her something personal, her-use-only as an engagement present. Perfume or jewellery or a piece of art/nice print, maybe. Not a book. Maybe a CD, if it's something a bit usual that she wouldn't have come across herself. Spa day, bath salts, good chocolate, etc - something a little self-indulgent.

My best friend and I didn't give our best friends a present for their engagement, because the party/drinks was just a few months after we'd given them a housewarming present. And I wasn't there for the wedding. The only other engagement party I went to was also a birthday party, and the engagement was announced at the party, so I've actually never had to buy an engagement present.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Ha - coincidentally, my friend also just moved into a house with her fiancé, so a housewarming present wouldn't be entirely off base either. Thanks so much for the suggestions and the thoughts behind when and for whom gift-giving is appropriate. It's helping me shape the shortlist here.

[theninth.livejournal.com]

I assume you can't go wrong with a gift card? Which is still impersonal, but... you could always get it for the store where they're registered, in case they don't get something they really need... or for a nice restaurant? Or a pre-paid Visa card or something they can use on their honeymoon?

I was very nearly the best man once, but ended up not having to do it because I couldn't afford to take the time off work (I was only working as a temp at the time and didn't have vacation days). So basically, I'm no help whatsoever.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

:) The restaurant idea is a good one. Granted, I don't know the city where she lives very well, but a gift card for one is on my shortlist here. Thanks!

[musicisbelievng.livejournal.com]

Spa gift certificate or give money toward a wedding expense like invitations, favors... I don't know. I hate weddings and she's picky.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Heh. Well, thanks for the ideas - we'll see what I can pull together by Saturday.

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

You could look at what About.com has to say. Something more personal, anyway?

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I really should have done more research before posting. Thanks for bearing with me. The About article has a couple of ideas that've sparked ideas of my own - thanks for linking.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

My maid of honor didn't get me anything for engagement, so that's no help, but I've heard that jewelry (e.g., bracelet or earrings) is common. Or you could get them a very nice frame to put their wedding picture in.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Digital or regular photo frame is definitely a good idea. I've found out today from comments and links that engagement presents aren't as usual as I'd thought, so that helps - but I do still want to get her something.

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

With everyone else on the 'spa/beauty day' or something personal. I wouldn't have thought an engagement present necessary unless you were formally invited to an engagement party, although I can understand you might just want to say congrats. I don't think I've ever given or received a specific engagement present, although I've been to quite a few weddings. At least not anything I can remember *g*

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Heh. As I was just saying to dee above, I've learned today from you all and from a few links that engagement presents aren't expected, where I'd assumed they were. Still, she's a good friend, and I *cough* didn't get her a housewarming present in December *cough cough* nor a birthday present a couple of weeks ago, so this is kind of serving multiple purposes.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

I wish I knew! I have a feeling I've failed at getting people engagement presents in the past, and wedding gifts for that matter. But yeah, something personal and relaxing like a spa day sounds like a good direction to take...a massage, ooh. That would be an excellent present.

But being a bridesmaid is pretty fun! I liked being in on all the rituals, and going to the bachelorette parties and such. And fortunately for me, the dresses I've worn have been pretty good, too. I love the ceremonies; I always cry. The whole thing makes me happy. Congratulations to your friend!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

I still owe maddy_harrigan a wedding present from October, so I'm faily there as well. Massage is a good thought, though - thanks.

I liked being in on all the rituals, and going to the bachelorette parties and such.

Yeah, it's going to be interesting, in an anthropological sort of way. A window into mainstream northeast-American girly life, which my friend has been for me since the beginning. And I'll be going from zero to planner here on the bachelorette party front.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Hee, yeah. I always felt a little like a sociologist doing participant observation, because I'm the least girly person ever, but a good time was had by all. And fortunately, the internet has really good info when it comes to researching the elements of a bachelorette's!

[catilinarian.livejournal.com]

I know I'm coming in late here, but I second (third? fourth?) the idea of a spa day gift certificate or something else indulgent - or perhaps you could take her out somewhere, for a massage or to lunch, as a present? If you decide to get her one at all, that is: I agree that they're not really expected.

Hee - feel free to pick my brain if you ever get stuck planning the bachelorette party. I have files of ideas (both the ones I did and didn't get a chance to use) leftover from Margaret's wedding.

It sounds like the whole thing will be a good time - have fun!