a different kind of normal

[bironic]

"Introverts of the World, Unite!" -- an Atlantic Monthly interview with Jonathan Rauch, revisiting his infamous "Caring for your Introvert" article from 2003. It's from February but I only found out about it today (thanks, Steve!).

Comments

Re: Hoping this works...

[maddy-harrigan.livejournal.com]

It's not a particular chemical, it's overall electrical potentiality of the brain. Introverts have more internal stimulation at any given time than extroverts. There's a theory that states that there is a natural "bliss point" - the point at which the electrical stimulation of the brain is neither too little or too much. The theory is that introverts are naturally closer to this point, so they require less stimulation to reach the bliss point than do extroverts.

And I'm becoming more and more confused as to my own profile - I have a lot of the introvert's difficulties with making small talk; I absolutely hate unstructured social situations with strangers. Sometimes I'll shut down and feel tongue-tied and awkward, but sometimes I'll babble and say too much. However, this might have less to do with my natural introversion/extroversion than with the pressure to be witty, charming, and significant.

I think the acid test is whether, after a long hard day when you feel worn out, you want to come home and be alone or you want to come home and be with people. In that situation, I fall heavily on the extrovert side.

And my point in my post wasn't so much that society favours people who can be alone, but that society tells you there's something wrong with you if you're not completely and totally independent. Needing to be with people is seen as weak, and the ultimate goal of society is to have "your own space." That's an introvert's goal. I can have "my own space" for about twenty minutes before I get bored and itchy and want to have a party.

Re: Hoping this works...

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Is the ultimate goal of society to have your own space? Watching commercials on prime time TV (my best connection to mainstream America) I get the sense rather that things are still geared toward having a happily functioning family.

Re: Hoping this works...

[maddy-harrigan.livejournal.com]

True, but what's looked on as a "luxury" - the ultimate enjoyable good time?

An enormous house.

On a quiet street.

Far away from the noisy, populated city.

With a car all your own.

Where you can sit and play music.

And hit the open road.

And feel independent and free.

And on a day-to-day basis, apart from those general lifestyle issues, what are the luxuries?

A bubble bath. Alone.

A cookie. Alone. (witness Pepperidge Farm's package advertising - all in the language of "food is for you to indulge yourself" rather than "food is a social event.")

American society makes a god out of individualism and self-sufficiency. These are solitary pursuits. You are celebrated for not needing to rely on anybody, and relationships that "threaten independence" are looked on as suspect. Pampering yourself is ALWAYS portrayed as "getting away from it all," rather than "getting together with friends." "Me time" is sacrosanct - and universally viewed as rejuvenating.

Re: Hoping this works...

[bironic.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure I could come up with a counter example to each of yours if I paid enough attention to TV and remembered everything when I sat down to reply. But for now--

An enormous house filled with your loved ones. A car that you drive in with your family, or your boy- or girlfriend, or your friends, or alone in between seeing your family/boy- or girlfriend/friends. Restaurants are invariably advertised as places to go to socialize with large groups of friends or be romantic with your S.O., never by yourself; that makes you in some way deficient. Cell phones -- though they're not an excellent example since they are by nature social devices -- are sold with incredible amounts of talk time, call-waiting and other features that assume a huge and constant stream of chatter.

America may be about individualism and the pursuit of solitary success or hobbies, but people are pressured to enjoy them as part of a social network. Relationships that threaten you are to be avoided, but you are expected to have a relationship. Some commercials place value on solitary pampering while others emphasize the outings, the parties, the family gatherings, the running and yelling and laughing and playing/sporting, as the energizing and vital parts of life.

Like I mentioned before, I really think it's a matter of perception. As a mostly-introvert I tend to notice society's seeming preference for extraversion, and for you it's the other way around.