finally putting a name to it?

[bironic]

Oh, wow. That post the other day, when I tried once more to describe that weird thing that's happened on and off for 20 years? I went and dug up a diary entry I remembered making about it in high school, and there were a couple more symptoms mentioned in it that match the clinical description of simple partial temporal lobe seizures:

It starts with one specific event, like a picture on TV or a dream. It is like something cold reaching out to grasp my heart, that’s what it honestly feels like. My hands get all clammy and cold, I start to shake, my breath comes quick and shallow, and my chest is tight. But what is most disturbing to me is the condition of my mind: the image burns in my head so that I can’t get rid of it, it is all I can focus on, and there is a sort of... this is hard to describe. It’s like there is a fuzz in my mind, blocking rational thought. It makes me want to curl up in a tight little warm ball and go to sleep in a dark corner. The first time, I hid under my desk with my blanket– and that wasn’t a full year ago. When this initial feeling passes, the picture goes away and I am left with a pounding heart and quick breathing. Then I feel like crying. I got a headache once.

I'd forgotten about the stronger physical manifestations; they don't seem to happen anymore. Even though we don't have a family history of epilepsy and my parents confirm I wasn't dropped on my head as a child :), I really wonder if that's what's up! I will ask my doctor about it the next time I have an appointment (and will stop talking about it in the meantime because probably this is not super interesting to read about if it's not happening to you). Er, and hope that if this does turn out to be the explanation, it doesn't open a can of worms of tests or "preexisting conditions."

But I do want to say thanks for inspiring me to think this through and revisit those internet searches. Knowing you are there to talk to -- or to post to -- means a lot.

Comments

[marginaliana]

Ooh, wow, yeah, that sounds very much like my own temporal lobe seizures - that feeling of not being able to let go of the thought even when you're trying as hard as you can to focus on something else. And the description of 'fuzz in the mind' is spot on for me, too. I hope you can get some useful info from your doctor!

[sasha_feather]

That is really interesting!

[jetpack_monkey]

(hugs) For some reason that description put me in mind of a phenomena (with no official recognition) called Stendhal Syndrome where exposure to art can cause a overwhelming mental and physical response.

Mind you, I only know about this because Dario Argento based one of his lesser works on it.

[gingicat]

That sounds confusing and scary and I'm glad you have a doctor to talk to about it.

[mific]

Do you ever fall out of bed when asleep at night? As sometimes seizures happen during sleep and could cause that. But yes, I'd get it checked out, and get EEGs done, including a sleep EEG. Fingers crossed for you.

[monanotlisa]

Interesting; I'm glad you're shedding light on a condition of your brain!

Born to parents who didn't display any mental issues, I thought for the longest time I was just weird, odd; learning about anxiety later on was such a relief (because as you know, Bob, panic attacks and tics and avoidance and overcompensation are rly rly common symptoms).

[sheafrotherdon]

Brains are so fascinating - not always in the best ways, but fascinating nonetheless. I'm so glad you're getting confirmation of some things you've suspected, and I hope the doctor can shed some light without it becoming an onerous thing. ♥