March madness

[bironic]

Doing: I confess I am not doing great, friends. It's probably just cyclical biochemistry, but combined with shenanigans at the office and acknowledgement that I need to turn back to medicine in search of help for stuff that therapy didn't budge after two years—even though it was dissatisfaction with medical solutions that sent me to therapy in the first place—there's been more than the usual amount of existential reflection and droopiness. Work is not getting done. Fun is not really happening either. I feel defeated in several arenas. Stuff annoys me everywhere I turn: an intractable audio delay on the Roku I bought over the holidays because the old one couldn't run apps anymore, road closures, bloggers' overuse of parentheses, con and other event organizers inviting original submissions without enough lead time, continuing frustration that so many Twitter users who cross my dashboard don't, to name one of many behaviors, track down original sources before RTing commentary.

This, too, shall pass.

Good things: Friend J. and I attended a book talk and signing with a powerhouse trio: G. Willow Wilson and Helen Oyeyemi interviewed by Kelly Link. It had its moments, but I wish it had gone deeper. The bookstore event organizer and Link both mentioned a conversation the authors had had earlier in the evening, and that sounded better than what we got. By contrast, last night coworker R. and I went to an alternately entertaining and illuminating talk with Werner Herzog, done conversation-style with a classics professor who has collaborated with him on ten films. It ran two hours with Q&A and could have gone longer, as far as we were concerned. Well, not the Q&A part; the questions and "questions" were of that painful sort that come from university students trying to sound smart.

My sister came to town for about 36 hours on her latest gig, with the Russian National Ballet, so disgruntled_owl and I got to hang with her. For those of you who are new here, my sister is basically a freelance tour manager for musicians. My favorite part was when one guy, whose English was better than most of the troupe's, gently teased her in the green room for eating sushi without drinking beer, and then a few minutes later, while watching the evening's performance of Swan Lake, I discovered he played the prince. Having seen the dancers offstage at the hotel and at the mall added a fun layer to the viewing experience: that one over there, she's the one who made an adorable pout when told the venue wifi wasn't working, and those two have just recovered from a bad landing and a fight, respectively…. Also, did you know the ballet has alternate endings? In this version, to the probable benefit of the children in the audience, Rothbart got defeated and Odette and the prince lived happily ever after.

Last and perhaps least, I replaced the living room area rug I'd disliked for five years. Pretty. (Not my apartment.)

Reading: Local friends are wrapping up a March mini-version of our autumn reading challenge. I decided to use the communal motivation to finish some books I was stuck on, plus one I'd had on the shelf for 20 years, A Canticle for Leibowitz. So at least some books made it back to the library completed after the maximum number of renewals and a few cents in fines.

Fanfic-wise, I tried some Star Trek: Discovery fic and have enjoyed this person Alethia's collection of Christopher Pike/Michael Burnham stories, except for one thing. They have excellent banter and good character voices and a variety of simple yet enjoyable premises, but there's little to no attention paid to the incredible breach of protocol inherent in a ship's captain sleeping with a crew member. It's either not mentioned at all, or it's brushed aside in a line or two. For me, that's a big disappointment. Also, the author likes italics more than I like reading them, because you shouldn't have to rely on them to indicate what you want emphasized, and even if they add force and movement to words like thrust in a sex scene, you don't need them multiple times per paragraph. Okay, see above re: being easily annoyed. At least it's not The Magicians, where, I'm told, fandom has decided fic should be written in the style of e.e. cummings.

Watching + Vidding: Ask me about the time I watched an entire TV show for Equinox Exchange after saying it was going to be a low-effort project. That's done now, and over the weekend I returned to a sports movie vid I'd been planning two years ago but set aside when Fandom Trumps Hate came along. It has structure. Structure is my friend. When I'm feeling less despondent I would like to work on the vid I suuuuuper owe deelaundry, as well as other projects recently mentioned here. And, you know, actually finish something.

How are you?

Comments

[dorinda]

At least it's not The Magicians, where, I'm told, fandom has decided fic should be written in the style of e.e. cummings.

D: D: D:

[bironic]

I went back and checked the friend's tweet I was thinking of, and it says "porn" specifically, which seems worse.

[timespirt]

I hope the bad stuff gets better hon

"HUGS"

I love the rug. The Ballet sounds like it was a blast.

[bironic]

Thanks.

[celli]

<3333

[bironic]

*hugs*

[monanotlisa]

I am okay! Sorry to hear you're feeling crummy, though. It is oddly biochemical, though -- I definitely have days of deep despair, when I want a giant PASS! or MUTE! button for everything, and also to sleep endlessly. But, other days are fine. Today I was...well, not perky; I'm me. Reasonably optimistic, though.

Really like Alethia, btw. Good choice.

[bironic]

Heh, thanks. I guess our fandoms (Alethia's and mine) hadn't intersected before. Should check out their other stuff.

[topaz_eyes]

I hope things start turning around soon for you.

That is a very pretty rug. I love the colour range.

At least it's not The Magicians, where, I'm told, fandom has decided fic should be written in the style of e.e. cummings.

Oh, dear. Definitely worth a side-eye...

[bironic]

Thanks and thanks. And re: Magicians, I guess at least it's apropros for U.S. National Poetry Month in April?

[minoanmiss]

*hugs you gently*

[bironic]

*hugs you back*

[seascribble]

I’m sorry brain stuff is bad. *hug*

Also sorry that Willow's appearance was lacklustre; I love her and was sad not to attend that talk.

But your new rug is gorgeous!

[bironic]

Thanks! I like it a lot.

Hadn't realized until midway through reading Alif the Unseen and reading Wilson's bio how similar her story is to S.A. Chakraborty - two ladies from New Jersey who converted to Islam in their late teens/early twenties, lived in Egypt for a while, and now write fantasy novels that sometimes feature djinn. :)

[seascribble]

Willow's memoir The Butterfly Mosque is a great read as well. I've been seeing S.A. Chakraborty's name around a lot in the last couple weeks; I should check ehr out!

[bironic]

Ya, many people loved City of Brass. I haven't tried the sequel yet, not having been super thrilled with the first, but maybe history buffs get more out of it.

[kass]

I am sorry that you are not doing great, and I hope things improve soon on a variety of fronts. Thinking of you.

[bironic]

Thank you. The same goes for you. <3

[yhlee]

*support support*

[bironic]

Many thanks.

[siegeofangels]

I'm sorry your brain is being a jerk. I hope the solutions you pursue work quickly and nicely. And I'm glad that you have some happy things going on. <3

[bironic]

Thank you. <3 <3

[paintedmaypole]

UGH. I don't know if it's helpful to hear, but I feel you. I'm in a similar place right now re. life and work. I've felt like this before, I know it'll pass, I have therapy and meds and etc. etc.... but its still hard. So, know that I'm rooting for you and hoping that you get the time/space you need to move through this.

[bironic]

Thank you - that does help. I'm sorry you're going through something similar. Hope you also soon find yourself on an upswing.

[serenadestrong]

I'm sorry things aren't feeling good for you. Brain meds are the only thing that help me, and I'm very grateful to have some that work for me, I hope you can find something that works for you <3

I have been very busy (with really boring stuff like car inspections) and not getting enough sleep but I have hopes that after this upcoming work trip I will maybe have some breathing room? My therapist suggested I go back to small meditations, which I agree would help but which I have not made the time to do :|

[bironic]

Ah, the fun circular issue of needing to do mindfulness exercises to help with stress etc. but not feeling like you have time because of stress etc.

Thanks, and good luck to you too.