Sestina!fic #2: "A Typical Day in Diagnostics"

[bironic]

Sestina the second, also known as Fun with Alliteration. Slightly different tone from the last one.

Title: A Typical Day in Diagnostics
Characters: Main Cast of House; ~Chase POV
Rating: PG
Word Count: 330
Prompts: Chase, House, Foreman, Cameron, Cuddy, Wilson
A/N: This is the proper/standard format for the end words, if anyone's curious. Thanks to synn for feedback and firestorm717 for the synonym.


Eight o'clock Monday morning finds Chase
Brewing coffee in Diagnostics while House
Scribbles symptoms and spouts sarcasm. Foreman
Sits with folded arms beside Cameron,
Glancing at the folder they got from Cuddy
And tossing out ideas. In wanders Wilson

With his empty coffee mug (Doesn't Wilson
Ever have any work to do? wonders Chase).
Today's pretense: a warning that Count Cuddy
Is on the prowl for victims and House
Had better watch his neck. Differential done, Chase and Cameron
Are assigned the first round of tests while Foreman

(Long-suffering rehabilitated-carjack Foreman)
Heads out to commit the weekly B&E. Chase watches Wilson
Watch House over the rim of his mug as Cameron
Lingers to ask about his leg. House glares. Chase
(Who knows better) steers her out the door so House
Can refocus his death rays on the approaching Cuddy.

Lunchtime brings the usual mayhem: Cuddy
Refuses to authorize radical treatment, Foreman
Returns with two bruises and no evidence, House
Retreats to one of his hiding places with Wilson,
The seizing patient throws up on Chase,
And down in the labs steadfast Cameron

Clears all suspects. Patient's dying again. Cameron,
Having found House playing his PSP in the morgue (Cuddy
Would have his handicapped hide), says allergy. Scrubs-clad Chase
Disagrees: Parasite fits better. Neurological, insists Foreman.
House posits paraneoplastic. Not cancer, reminds ever-helpful Wilson.
Patient's still dying. Could it be that the Great Gregory House—?

But no. Something sparks those sensational synapses and House
Produces the eleventh-hour diagnosis. Patient will live. Cameron
Rushes to administer the treatment. Sideshow over, Wilson
Saunters off. House flees the premises before Cuddy
Can make him do anything else. That leaves Foreman
And Chase, but Foreman shrugs and goes home too. Chase

Erases the whiteboard, then tattles on his boss when a House-hunting Cuddy
Pokes her head in. Positive prognosis procured, Cameron follows Foreman's
Lead and heads home. At eight, Wilson's office darkens. The only one left is Chase.


* * *

Feedback of all sorts welcome, as always.

Comments

[leiascully.livejournal.com]

Love. That is all the feedback I have at the moment. You are amazing.

[red-coffeecup.livejournal.com]

That was....well it was....I don't know how to put it...AMAZING!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

*wipes metaphorical sweat off metaphorical brow* Oh yay. I was afraid this would fall flat after yesterday's.

[leiascully.livejournal.com]

No, it is like a carousel, and they keep going around and around again. I love it.

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Wonderful work.

I especially love this line:

Chase watches Wilson
Watch House over the rim of his mug as Cameron
Lingers to ask about his leg.

Also love House's death rays and that he's playing video games in the morgue. Heh! Very nice and very well done ... I've tried to do these (sestinas) on a few occasions and know how thorny they can be.

[pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com]

As a fan of clever alliteration, I just loved this: Something sparks those sensational synapses . . ."

It's interesting that Chase, who is so self-contained, opens and closes this piece and also spends more hands-on time with the patient (close enough to be thrown up on, at any rate.) And tattles on House, so he's still one tidy mass of contradictions.

And "Count Cuddy" made me giggle. Very nice!

[pleonasm]

Oh, awesome! Loved the alliteration with the s's (or onamatopoeia if that's what it is). Great poem! It's really difficult to write sestinas (certainly I've never attempted one) but this was *sweet*. ^_^

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

Heh - what was fun was that it was pretty much meta, and what makes it are the wry comments, I think - I particularly liked 'weekly B&E' and 'patient's dying again'. Also, 'House-hunting', and the H/W undertones. And that you start and end with Chase, although I don't know if that's a standard part of the form, because I didn't bother to read about it :)

[elynittria.livejournal.com]

This brisk, playful sestina is a nice counterbalance to the last one. I loved the line Sideshow over, Wilson saunters off. He does seem to use the goings-on in Diagnostics in much the same way that House uses General Hospital. Hee.

[simple--man.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow, nifty. I just watched an entire episode! And it was a very good one, too...I love "long-suffering" Foreman, "steadfast" Cameeron, "scrubs-clad" Chase, "ever-helpful" Wilson, "House-hunting" Cuddy, and of course, "symptom-scribbling and sarcasm-spouting" House. You have summed them and the show up very precisely, but with each word saying so much.

[jadesfire.livejournal.com]

Sooo much fun with alliteration! My favourite is in the 4th stanza, with the 3 r's - clever and keeps it tripping along.

I had mixed feelings about this one yesterday, which is why I've waited to comment. I loved the atmosphere and emotion of the first one, and put next to it, this one didn't benefit from the juxtaposition.

BUT! I've come back to it this morning, and my jaw's dropping at your use of the form. You manage to tell a complete story, with the whole cast and a pig of a challenge without it seeming forced at any point. As with all these things, the beauty's in the details:

Today's pretense
Surely Wilson always has a good, solid reason for visiting House. Doesn't he? ;)

I like the matter of fact-ness in 'Patient's dying again' and 'Patient will live'. Again, it picks up so well from what we see on screen where so often the puzzle, not the person, is the interest.

The rhythm of this is brilliant, really rolling along and keeping us going and the alliteration is fantastic. You've taken the structure of the show (formulaic? House? Only in a good way...) and used it in an incredibly structured poem, and doesn't it work well?! I love the framing with "eight o'clock". It ties off the swirling-ness of the story just right.

No falling flat here - they don't necessarily read well together (the angst of the first makes the second seem a bit too slim) but they do catch both aspects of the show - the bitterness at the heart of House's character, and the lighter, faster nature of the stories. Great stuff.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed, and I appreciate the comment.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and thanks for pointing out the specifics of what stood out for you. And I'm happy you chose that icon -- it's one of my favorites of yours. :)

Ah, have you? Finish any to your satisfaction? I'd never tried sestinas before starting these in September and am finding them to be challenging, fun, and more than a little addictive (which is oddly appropriate for this series).

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Something about the playful tone of this poem brought out the alliteration unconsciously. Only after filling several stanzas did I realize what was happening; then when the poem was done I went back and rephrased in a few places to play up the sound.

Er, all by way of saying I'm glad you giggled at the alliteration and the vampire!Cuddy joke. Also pleased that you seized on some bits of characterization to chew on amidst the craziness of the "episode."

Thank you as always for your feedback.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Praise and amusement from the queen of meta-fic! I bow down humbly before thee. Heh. Glad you liked all the little asides.

H/W will work its way into just about everything, won't it. Even gen.

The way a sestina works is you assign each of your six end-words a letter or number in the first stanza and then rearrange them in a set pattern for the remaining stanzas. So in this case Chase would be A, House B, and so forth down to E for Wilson. In a standard sestina you have the option of concluding with the end words A-C-E (Chase, Foreman, Cuddy) or E-C-A. Since this turned into a day-in-the-life and I'd started with Chase, I thought it would be appropriate to go with E-C-A and end with him as well. After all, from his perspective, he's there before each crazy day starts and he's there after it ends.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Yep, it's alliteration -- onomatopoeia's when a word sounds like the sound it represents, such as "pop." Writing these has indeed been challenging, but also fun and very rewarding. Thanks for the comment!

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

And I'm happy you chose that icon -- it's one of my favorites of yours. :)

Heh! That's my quiet, understated icon; I think it's from the ... um ... *is trying to think* ... the museum in New York -- the Moving Picture? Something like that? *God, can't remember worth crap these days*. Feel free to borrow it!

Finish any to your satisfaction?

Afraid not. Not even sure where they are now. Maybe I'll try my hand at one again. :-)

[bironic.livejournal.com]

If you do, it'd be fun to see how it turns out.

Museum of the Moving Image?

Thanks for the offer, but I've got all the icons my little limit can handle. Besides, I like it as a surprise whenever it pops up at your journal (or in comments elsewhere).

*God, can't remember worth crap these days*

Tell me about it. My job is just killing my memory. Add a touch of sleep deprivation and things get ugly. (For instance, for three days running I've accidentally left my poems-in-progress on my work computer at the end of the day.) I'm too young for this, dammit!

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Museum of the Moving Image?

That's it. A friend pointed it out to me, thinking I might like it.

I'm too young for this, dammit!

Heh! It gets much, much worse. *totters off on cane*

[beatriceeagle.livejournal.com]

I love sestinas. I love you. Amazing.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Ha, thanks. Pleased to meet you, fellow poetry-lover.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you think so; I was afraid this wouldn't stand up after the intensity of the previous one.

Hee, that's true -- Wilson does seem to use Diagnostics as a distraction, but I hadn't thought of it as an equivalent to House's TV-watching. Sweet.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Ha, I hadn't realized I'd assigned all of them exactly one "meta" tag. ...I mean, totally on purpose. Heh. Sometimes the unconscious muse is a wonderful thing.

[bironic.livejournal.com]

this one didn't benefit from the juxtaposition. [...] they don't necessarily read well together

Ah, as I feared. These weren't designed to stand alone as a pair; they just happened to be the first two I finished, while the rest are still a few stanzas from completion. Then again, the first, I think, was a hard act to follow anyway.

But I'm very glad you came back for a second go and that it generated such a reaction!

I love the framing with "eight o'clock".

Thanks. I tried to work in a few ways in which the story comes full circle from morning to night, a cycle Chase completes every day: the whiteboard gets scribbled on and erased, Wilson wanders in and saunters off, everyone gets in and goes home, patients are sick and get healed, etc.

"Tripping" and "rolling" and "swirling" -- I like it. Using the characters' names for the prompts ensures that we keep swinging back to everyone, like a ball they're tossing around, tying them together as a team.

Surely Wilson always has a good, solid reason for visiting House.

Of course he does. He's in lurrrrve. Here Chase knows there's a reason and that it's not whatever Wilson says when he shows up.

You've taken the structure of the show [...] and used it in an incredibly structured poem

Form and function! House/sestina OTP.


Thank you so much. I just love your comments.

[simple--man.livejournal.com]

Absolutely it was. You're so brilliant, your genius took care of it for you.

[silsbee329.livejournal.com]

Chase stands alone. ;)
I love this one. It's so alive. Busy.

One of my favorite parts:
In wanders Wilson

With his empty coffee mug (Doesn't Wilson
Ever have any work to do? wonders Chase).
Today's pretense:

You managed to fit everything in. :)

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks. The Wilson bits were the easiest because I just channeled what I say to the TV when the show's on. I'm sure there's stuff missing in here, but I'm glad it feels comprehensive and that you like it!

Sestina: A Typical Day in Diagnostics

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

This is fabulous. Yay for Chase.
And well done getting everyone into a stanza.
Lovely picure of their lives.

Re: Sestina: A Typical Day in Diagnostics

[bironic.livejournal.com]

well done getting everyone into a stanza.

Heh. That one was the most fun to write, getting everyone in with a phrase each and bookending them with the comments about the patient. Glad you enjoyed it!

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Oh, YEAH. This rocks. I'd never thought of making the teleutons a sextet of names, though of course that works brilliantly, and this manages to encapsulate the swirling drama of every episode, the roles everyone falls into. Nice work!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I got the idea of using everyone's names from a sestina at McSweeney's that used the cast of Friends to retell (or possibly invent; I don't know, I never really watched the show) an episode. Here I thought it would work because for all that the show is House-centric, everyone around him plays hot potato with the patient diagnoses enough that the poem could keep swinging back to them. Not to mix metaphors or anything.