Sestina!fic #2: "A Typical Day in Diagnostics"

[bironic]

Sestina the second, also known as Fun with Alliteration. Slightly different tone from the last one.

Title: A Typical Day in Diagnostics
Characters: Main Cast of House; ~Chase POV
Rating: PG
Word Count: 330
Prompts: Chase, House, Foreman, Cameron, Cuddy, Wilson
A/N: This is the proper/standard format for the end words, if anyone's curious. Thanks to synn for feedback and firestorm717 for the synonym.


Eight o'clock Monday morning finds Chase
Brewing coffee in Diagnostics while House
Scribbles symptoms and spouts sarcasm. Foreman
Sits with folded arms beside Cameron,
Glancing at the folder they got from Cuddy
And tossing out ideas. In wanders Wilson

With his empty coffee mug (Doesn't Wilson
Ever have any work to do? wonders Chase).
Today's pretense: a warning that Count Cuddy
Is on the prowl for victims and House
Had better watch his neck. Differential done, Chase and Cameron
Are assigned the first round of tests while Foreman

(Long-suffering rehabilitated-carjack Foreman)
Heads out to commit the weekly B&E. Chase watches Wilson
Watch House over the rim of his mug as Cameron
Lingers to ask about his leg. House glares. Chase
(Who knows better) steers her out the door so House
Can refocus his death rays on the approaching Cuddy.

Lunchtime brings the usual mayhem: Cuddy
Refuses to authorize radical treatment, Foreman
Returns with two bruises and no evidence, House
Retreats to one of his hiding places with Wilson,
The seizing patient throws up on Chase,
And down in the labs steadfast Cameron

Clears all suspects. Patient's dying again. Cameron,
Having found House playing his PSP in the morgue (Cuddy
Would have his handicapped hide), says allergy. Scrubs-clad Chase
Disagrees: Parasite fits better. Neurological, insists Foreman.
House posits paraneoplastic. Not cancer, reminds ever-helpful Wilson.
Patient's still dying. Could it be that the Great Gregory House—?

But no. Something sparks those sensational synapses and House
Produces the eleventh-hour diagnosis. Patient will live. Cameron
Rushes to administer the treatment. Sideshow over, Wilson
Saunters off. House flees the premises before Cuddy
Can make him do anything else. That leaves Foreman
And Chase, but Foreman shrugs and goes home too. Chase

Erases the whiteboard, then tattles on his boss when a House-hunting Cuddy
Pokes her head in. Positive prognosis procured, Cameron follows Foreman's
Lead and heads home. At eight, Wilson's office darkens. The only one left is Chase.


* * *

Feedback of all sorts welcome, as always.

Comments

[leiascully.livejournal.com]

Love. That is all the feedback I have at the moment. You are amazing.

[red-coffeecup.livejournal.com]

That was....well it was....I don't know how to put it...AMAZING!

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Wonderful work.

I especially love this line:

Chase watches Wilson
Watch House over the rim of his mug as Cameron
Lingers to ask about his leg.

Also love House's death rays and that he's playing video games in the morgue. Heh! Very nice and very well done ... I've tried to do these (sestinas) on a few occasions and know how thorny they can be.

[pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com]

As a fan of clever alliteration, I just loved this: Something sparks those sensational synapses . . ."

It's interesting that Chase, who is so self-contained, opens and closes this piece and also spends more hands-on time with the patient (close enough to be thrown up on, at any rate.) And tattles on House, so he's still one tidy mass of contradictions.

And "Count Cuddy" made me giggle. Very nice!

[pleonasm]

Oh, awesome! Loved the alliteration with the s's (or onamatopoeia if that's what it is). Great poem! It's really difficult to write sestinas (certainly I've never attempted one) but this was *sweet*. ^_^

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

Heh - what was fun was that it was pretty much meta, and what makes it are the wry comments, I think - I particularly liked 'weekly B&E' and 'patient's dying again'. Also, 'House-hunting', and the H/W undertones. And that you start and end with Chase, although I don't know if that's a standard part of the form, because I didn't bother to read about it :)

[elynittria.livejournal.com]

This brisk, playful sestina is a nice counterbalance to the last one. I loved the line Sideshow over, Wilson saunters off. He does seem to use the goings-on in Diagnostics in much the same way that House uses General Hospital. Hee.

[simple--man.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow, nifty. I just watched an entire episode! And it was a very good one, too...I love "long-suffering" Foreman, "steadfast" Cameeron, "scrubs-clad" Chase, "ever-helpful" Wilson, "House-hunting" Cuddy, and of course, "symptom-scribbling and sarcasm-spouting" House. You have summed them and the show up very precisely, but with each word saying so much.

[jadesfire.livejournal.com]

Sooo much fun with alliteration! My favourite is in the 4th stanza, with the 3 r's - clever and keeps it tripping along.

I had mixed feelings about this one yesterday, which is why I've waited to comment. I loved the atmosphere and emotion of the first one, and put next to it, this one didn't benefit from the juxtaposition.

BUT! I've come back to it this morning, and my jaw's dropping at your use of the form. You manage to tell a complete story, with the whole cast and a pig of a challenge without it seeming forced at any point. As with all these things, the beauty's in the details:

Today's pretense
Surely Wilson always has a good, solid reason for visiting House. Doesn't he? ;)

I like the matter of fact-ness in 'Patient's dying again' and 'Patient will live'. Again, it picks up so well from what we see on screen where so often the puzzle, not the person, is the interest.

The rhythm of this is brilliant, really rolling along and keeping us going and the alliteration is fantastic. You've taken the structure of the show (formulaic? House? Only in a good way...) and used it in an incredibly structured poem, and doesn't it work well?! I love the framing with "eight o'clock". It ties off the swirling-ness of the story just right.

No falling flat here - they don't necessarily read well together (the angst of the first makes the second seem a bit too slim) but they do catch both aspects of the show - the bitterness at the heart of House's character, and the lighter, faster nature of the stories. Great stuff.

[beatriceeagle.livejournal.com]

I love sestinas. I love you. Amazing.

[silsbee329.livejournal.com]

Chase stands alone. ;)
I love this one. It's so alive. Busy.

One of my favorite parts:
In wanders Wilson

With his empty coffee mug (Doesn't Wilson
Ever have any work to do? wonders Chase).
Today's pretense:

You managed to fit everything in. :)

Sestina: A Typical Day in Diagnostics

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

This is fabulous. Yay for Chase.
And well done getting everyone into a stanza.
Lovely picure of their lives.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Oh, YEAH. This rocks. I'd never thought of making the teleutons a sextet of names, though of course that works brilliantly, and this manages to encapsulate the swirling drama of every episode, the roles everyone falls into. Nice work!