a different kind of normal

[bironic]

"Introverts of the World, Unite!" -- an Atlantic Monthly interview with Jonathan Rauch, revisiting his infamous "Caring for your Introvert" article from 2003. It's from February but I only found out about it today (thanks, Steve!).

Comments

Re: Hoping this works...

[catilinarian.livejournal.com]

Yay!

Just wanted to add that I love Rauch's summation: "We love people—we're not misanthropic for the most part. We just can't socialize with them all the time. We want to hold their hand or hug them or just sit quietly and read a book with them."

Here's to improved diplomatic relations between introverts and extroverts from this day forth. :)

Re: Hoping this works...

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Heh. Except I for one am more misanthropic than Rauch cares to admit, and I don't know whether that's a function of introversion. I don't necessarily want to hold hands or hug people. Reading next to them sounds nice, though. I don't think Rauch mentioned it but someone in those articles did -- that introverts are prone to overexcitement when stimulated. For me, someone walking by and touching my shoulder is a strong stimulus. If it's someone I dislike or someone I've just met, I'll shy away or be internally disturbed. If it's someone I like and know well enough, I'll smile or be internally thrilled. That's where the misanthropy comes in -- I won't want to touch certain people or be touched, talk to them or be addressed by them, and so forth, and thus avoid those stimuli much of the time. (synn probably has something to say on this.) Either way, as an introvert I often dwell on the littlest interaction or touch for a long time after it's occurred, and it takes a long time to settle down from them.

Re: Hoping this works...

[catilinarian.livejournal.com]

I don't think Rauch mentioned it, but I know what you mean. I remember hearing that there's actually a chemical released in the brain in response to (all kinds of) stimulus, and introverts have naturally higher levels of the chemical. So, the levels of stimulation that extroverts NEED to get their brain-chemical (this would sound so much smoother if I could remember what it was called) levels up cause the level of the same chemical in introverts to become too high, and they feel strung-out and overstimulated.

I tend to really like touch, but I do sometimes feel like it's more... significant to me, I suppose, than to a lot of people, much the way you describe. So I can also really dislike being touched by someone I don't like, and sometimes I freeze up when someone touches my shoulder or hugs me - not out of distaste, but because I can't immediately process the feelings it brings up. I've actually tried to train myself to relax under someone's unexpected touch, so that they don't worry they've done something wrong.

Of course, a tendancy to overstimulation isn't the same as misanthropy, but it's always possible to have both. :) Nor do I think a desire to be alone is necessarily misanthropic.

Re: Hoping this works...

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Yay neuroscience. I'm not sure which chemical it is, but it couldn't be too hard to find out.

I also tend to like touch, but as you say, it's more significant/affecting for us introverts than for "normal" people, so when I don't like it, I *really* don't like it. But yeah, most of the time I'm really pleased when a friend or teacher or colleague or whoever rests a hand on my shoulder or reaches out for a hug. I mean, I can remember instances of being touched by people I like in the most innocuous, fleeting ways, years and years ago -- steering me by the elbow in the hallway, touching my arm while crossing the street after class, you name it.

Of course, a tendancy to overstimulation isn't the same as misanthropy, but it's always possible to have both.

Sure, and introversion can contribute to misanthropy for those so inclined, hearing constant nonsensical chatter and seeing what's interpreted as gross insensitivity.

Re: Hoping this works...

[maddy-harrigan.livejournal.com]

It's not a particular chemical, it's overall electrical potentiality of the brain. Introverts have more internal stimulation at any given time than extroverts. There's a theory that states that there is a natural "bliss point" - the point at which the electrical stimulation of the brain is neither too little or too much. The theory is that introverts are naturally closer to this point, so they require less stimulation to reach the bliss point than do extroverts.

And I'm becoming more and more confused as to my own profile - I have a lot of the introvert's difficulties with making small talk; I absolutely hate unstructured social situations with strangers. Sometimes I'll shut down and feel tongue-tied and awkward, but sometimes I'll babble and say too much. However, this might have less to do with my natural introversion/extroversion than with the pressure to be witty, charming, and significant.

I think the acid test is whether, after a long hard day when you feel worn out, you want to come home and be alone or you want to come home and be with people. In that situation, I fall heavily on the extrovert side.

And my point in my post wasn't so much that society favours people who can be alone, but that society tells you there's something wrong with you if you're not completely and totally independent. Needing to be with people is seen as weak, and the ultimate goal of society is to have "your own space." That's an introvert's goal. I can have "my own space" for about twenty minutes before I get bored and itchy and want to have a party.

Re: Hoping this works...

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Is the ultimate goal of society to have your own space? Watching commercials on prime time TV (my best connection to mainstream America) I get the sense rather that things are still geared toward having a happily functioning family.

Re: Hoping this works...

[maddy-harrigan.livejournal.com]

True, but what's looked on as a "luxury" - the ultimate enjoyable good time?

An enormous house.

On a quiet street.

Far away from the noisy, populated city.

With a car all your own.

Where you can sit and play music.

And hit the open road.

And feel independent and free.

And on a day-to-day basis, apart from those general lifestyle issues, what are the luxuries?

A bubble bath. Alone.

A cookie. Alone. (witness Pepperidge Farm's package advertising - all in the language of "food is for you to indulge yourself" rather than "food is a social event.")

American society makes a god out of individualism and self-sufficiency. These are solitary pursuits. You are celebrated for not needing to rely on anybody, and relationships that "threaten independence" are looked on as suspect. Pampering yourself is ALWAYS portrayed as "getting away from it all," rather than "getting together with friends." "Me time" is sacrosanct - and universally viewed as rejuvenating.

Re: Hoping this works...

[bironic.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure I could come up with a counter example to each of yours if I paid enough attention to TV and remembered everything when I sat down to reply. But for now--

An enormous house filled with your loved ones. A car that you drive in with your family, or your boy- or girlfriend, or your friends, or alone in between seeing your family/boy- or girlfriend/friends. Restaurants are invariably advertised as places to go to socialize with large groups of friends or be romantic with your S.O., never by yourself; that makes you in some way deficient. Cell phones -- though they're not an excellent example since they are by nature social devices -- are sold with incredible amounts of talk time, call-waiting and other features that assume a huge and constant stream of chatter.

America may be about individualism and the pursuit of solitary success or hobbies, but people are pressured to enjoy them as part of a social network. Relationships that threaten you are to be avoided, but you are expected to have a relationship. Some commercials place value on solitary pampering while others emphasize the outings, the parties, the family gatherings, the running and yelling and laughing and playing/sporting, as the energizing and vital parts of life.

Like I mentioned before, I really think it's a matter of perception. As a mostly-introvert I tend to notice society's seeming preference for extraversion, and for you it's the other way around.